Documentary of Charleybean

I’ve been thinking about you today.

And it’s worse especially when it’s Public Law class.

“No matter how busy I am, I always have time for you.” You said.

Awwwww……

*melt melt melt*

I want to talk about my feelings towards A. I want to remember currently my feelings about him before time washes away all the memories. So this post is for you, Mister!

One reason you attracted me is you are so different than the other guys I know. The way you see things, the way make your decisions, the way you find your guidelines and more.

I still remember I asked you why did you chose to study engineering. And you answered me that you wanted to do medicine at the first place but you had been thinking whether being doctor is the life that you want for the coming 40 years. While the answer is No, you had made your mind on engineering course.

To me, nobody around me thinks like how you did. You amazed me. Seriously.

You are funny. Very funny and never fail to cheer me up. And I really LOVE the way you soft talk to me. Oh my god, it’s like…… words can’t describe the feeling! You are so gentle!

You are a smart person and you speak such a good English. I like talking to you because I like to learn things from you. And you always amazed me!

One important thing is you willing to LISTEN. It means a lot to me because you always listen carefully and try to see things from my point of view. You always try to understand why I come to a particular conclusion or my feelings. I really appreciate it when I need you to listen then give your opinions. And you always willing to listen to my arguments as well.

Although we seldom see each other, but everytime when we are going out for a drink or anything, I feel so excited and nervous. I admit, you are a special person to me.

I still remember the time when we were working together. It was so fun and it’s really nice to know you.

I called you squirrel because when you grin, you seriously looked like those smart and intelligent squirrel in those kids cartoons. Seriously until now I still don’t know why you gave me such image.

All the lunch breaks we spent together when we were working last time were fun. Even though we were just sitting there and talked. It’s really amazing that back then I didn’t know you long enough but yet we can still talk about everything and we were like two old friends. This is the first time I experienced this special feeling with a guy that I just knew him for a short while. Now, we have known each other for more than 6 months and I’m glad that even though we barely meet up with each other nowadays, yet we still chat like old friends. You really made my day!

I like the way you look at me. Gosh!

I like all the smses you sent to me.

Well, I really like you. And I write this so that I won’t forget how I feel for you now.

I don’t know how much I like you or whether it’s merely a crush, or it’s just a platonic feeling… I don’t know.

I just have this urge to write down how I felt when I first know you and the time when we were working together and how I feel right now after having a great time chatting and catching up with you just now.

And thanks for the chocolate you bought for me from NZ.

I was out to have a drink with a friend just now. Let’s call him, A. Well, A is a special person because I had crush on him when I was still with Jy (and I’m not sure whether I still have now, but I’m always excited to see A everytime). Jy knew about A. As in he knows that I kinda like A. Because A is so different.

So back to the story. Jy called me to go out right after me and A had decided to go out and have a drink. So I just told Jy that I was going with A. Then later on, Jy called me to check on me. As in to see whether I’m home already or not. Well, I ignored his calls on purpose because to be honest, I don’t know why I fell uncomfortable answering Jy’s calls everytime I am with A. But I did replied his sms just to tell him that I’m still out. I think half an hour later, Jy called again and I ignored his calls again because me and A were chatting and I just didn’t want to talk to Jy in front of A. Well, I felt the vibration of my handphone for often. So Jy had been calling me quite a lot of times. And when I checked my phone once I reached home, I got 14 missed calls and 6 smses.

When I replied his msgs, he called me again. So I answered and I lied to him by saying that I didn’t heard his calls because I put my phone in silent mode. (ok fine, slap me, I know I’m a bitch! But hey?! He never bothers, why now??) He told me he was talking to the guys. As in his buddies about me going out with a guy and he was worried sick. So I asked what the friends said. He told me they asked him not to worry so much. Then he told me he felt helpless because I didn’t answer the calls or reply his msgs. Seriously I was surprised. I mean, I don’t understand why is his reaction so big? Is it because of A? Well, I bet it is. Jy doesn’t really like A even though he has not meet A yet.

And guess what?

He cried. I sensed something wrong because he was like kinda difficult to find his words. He said,” It’s just that I was feeling helpless because you weren’t answering my calls and I talked to the guys about you. They asked me to not worry so much.” and “It’s just that…… it’s just that …… I was worried about you…… nothing la…… ”

He sounded like he didn’t know what to say and his voice was a bit weird. So it hits me that he cried or still crying. And I asked him. He was like, “Does it matters?” “Nothing la……” Then I said, ” Why? I don’t understand. Why so serious? You never care that much, why now?” Then he protested, “I do!”.

Well, the conversation ended with him going to play his game while I go online.

HE CRIED! For god sake, I’m seriously dumbfounded and confused……

You know what? His personal msg in MSN Messenger was “fck u”. And after we hung up the phone, he changed it to “safe”. Well, I don’t think the first one was meant for me gua. Or was he indicating A? But I definately know that the second msg is about me.

I’m very confused now about his reaction. I seriously don’t understand why he cried. Well, I think shock is the better word.