I mean, who doesn’t?

I’m so fucking insecure with this whole LDR* thingy.

How would I know that he is THINKING about me?

How would I know what he is DOING all the time?

How would I know whether he is LYING or what?

How would I fucking know whether he means it when he says he LOVES me?

GRRRRR!!!

I HATE LDR!!

What’s with the sudden grudge now? you might ask. This was what happened.

Yesterday, he replied my email and I didn’t get it. So I eventually thought that he didn’t email me. And I got sad. You know, like the bright, sunny day suddenly turns into dark and gloomy with some rain drops (to make a better effect).

Yeah, then I tak boleh tahan la. So I sms-ed him, telling him that I brought Lazy out for a walk (elaboration on this in a separate post after I finish writing this one). And, NO REPLY.

So, I waited and tunggu-ed. Till midnight, I sent another one and asking why was he not replying. Again, NO REPLY.

Today, when I checked my mailbox in the evening, he emailed me. And when I clicked to open it, Hotmail just had to do it. To ruin everything. My hope, my source of happiness, my daily dose and love specially for me from a far away land. If you don’t understand, I’m basically saying that I can’t open the email because of the bloody sucky Hotmail.

So I sms-ed him again. Asking whether I can call him. NO REPLY. So I called. It was 12am over there. And nobody picks up. So I gave up because I was thinking it was 12am and they might be asleep. Yeah, basically I was like FUCK IT.

One hour later, HE CALLED!!

Apparently, he was waiting for my call and when I told him I actually did, he said the phone never rings.

He said, “I told you that my hp has no more credit in it in both my emails I sent to you and why are you still asking me to reply?”

“I only got one email from you. Not two. And Hotmail is down so I can’t open your email.”

Then, we just continue chatting. And somehow, we both not really into the mood. And I got a little bit upset.

My point is if we are in a SDR, instead of LDR, such misunderstanding will never occur. Well, at least, the risk is minimal. I mean, can you imagine how things could be worse if my connection is down and he never top up his hp or etc etc?

I mean, how dangerous it is to be in a LDR! No matter how advanced the technology is, connection can be screwd up and there goes me misunderstand him thinking that he doesn’t bother to reply me or bla bla bla and bla (although it’s not justify whether he DOES bother or not, well, let’s just leave it there).

It digs out my neurotic insecurity.

I asked, “Do you miss me?”

“Yes.” He said. “You don’t have to worry too much.”

He KNOWS what’s going on in my mind.

Before we hang up, again he said, “Don’t think too much, ok?”

So, I HATE LDR.

Well, and Hotmail too.

*LDR=Long Distance Relationship
Hence, S=Short.

Other link on this topic:
Abe - Surviving a long distance relationship