Documentary of Charleybean

Listening: Utada Hikaru - Another Chance

Because I watched too much Conan already, so my laptop decided to declare that I’m a dumb owner to uninstall my Norton Antivirus long time ago and attacked by virus from one of the Conan cd.

What?!

Aiyaaa, I thought won’t kena virus one mah so I just uninstalled it to reduce the lagging of my laptop lo.

Okla, very stupid idea. I KNOW NOW.

Now is 5.10am. I just done reformatting my laptop and installed some programmes that I basically needed. And re-bookmarking all my links.

Thank god there’s bloglines and my Vision M as a removable disc to keep a copy of all my stuffs.

But a bit happy le. Because I reformatted my laptop BY MYSELF!

*applauses*

Oh yeah, recently I have been watching Conan, the very famous young private investigator anime because my sister bought some episodes and downloaded some as well. That was how my laptop kena virus from one of the vcds lo.

Just met up with some of my old friends on tuesday and guess what??

I KNOW HOW TO PLAY RAMI ALREADY!!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!

COME COME COME!!! LET’S PLAY!!!!

I got 3 more hk dramas from my friend. Happy!!

What else?

Oh! My sister got the first in her grade last semester. Form 2. So we went out for dinner. The other day was my birthday and another night was after we took our family photo. Been eating out very often lately.

Our family photo. I looked damn freaking FAAAAAAT in the pictures. And still look the same in reality. I love the picture that we chose to be framed as our family photo. My parents don’t like the way my brother smiled in the pictures. Well, he didn’t smile. He basically just smirked, I think.

He thinks that’s cool. So be it. I’m not the one who’s being complained. My parents sometimes think that my bro’s behaviour is weird. His thinking. I agree as well. But I don’t dare to say much because I don’t want him to think that I’m acting beyond my age by nagging him non stop.

Oh yeah, he went out last night and came back at 7am this morning(tues). My sister normally will wake him up at 10.30am to make her brunch before she goes to school at 11.45am. Today, we all saw a note sticked on his room door.

“Jamie, DON’T YOU DARE TO WAKE ME UP to cook for you. I slept at 7am. Go find something in the fridge, eat biscuits or anything. But, do not wake me up! Eat maggi mee or just go eat your sister. Your bro, Milton. ”

And actually my sister left for school before my bro came back because she had some early activities today.

My mom found it so funny. The ‘EAT YOUR SISTER’ part.

Already my bro has an unhealthy lifestyle, he also encourages others to have one as well. Tsk tsk.

=.=

I’m going to straighten my hair soon. If you think I should never in my life do that to futher fugly-ing myself, pls be quick and do whatever you can to stop me!!

I very scared I will look like the coming-out-from-tv jap ghost la.

Or look like I’m wearing a permanent motor helmet.

Or look like a watermelon with a mop on top of it.

My mom just made my favourite homemade milo-chocolate cake yesterday! So excited! When I tasted the long awaited cake just now, oh my god, emmm emmmmmm emmmmmmm!!!!!! Yummy!!!

It’s like chocolate fudge cake. But not really something like that. And it has biscuits crumbs in it. And it must be the Marie brand biscuits. I don’t really know how to describe it but only my mom knows how to make (I think) ! Hehehehehehe!

It’s another must-eat when I’m back! Hehehe!

One more thing I haven’t have yet till now since I’m back is SOTO!!!!!

Here, our soto is different than those in West Msia. I don’t like West Msia ones because they put the sate kind of rice cubes. I like Tawau ones the best. Hehe. The soup, omg, ada omp!! Hehe!! Chinese called ‘Gao Liu’ in cantonese. Means enough rempah!

*wipes saliva*

My mom just found a part time maid. I have nothing to complain about her except for she doesn’t really irons the clothes properly which really make me go ‘GRRRRRR’! Do already like never do like that. What’s the point la, you tell me! But good thing also la, now I don’t have to vacuum and mop the floors. Hehe.

Ok, thinking of the soto makes me hungry now. Better go sleep then. It’s morning already.

*yawns*

Listening to Death Cab For Cutie’s ‘Plans’ Album

I’m 20 now.

Happy birthday to me.

Finally I’m celebrating with my family again after 2 years.

My mom silently made my favourite dessert, agar-agar with longans. But she need to keep it in the fridge. And for a bummer like me who’s having holiday and checking the fridge for snacks is one of my current routines, how can I NOT SEE IT?

Bro is making pudding for me. Because I keep asking him where can I eat my favourite coconut pudding. (I don’t find any place in KL selling coconut pudding. KL IS SO WEIRD.) And he was saying that he knows how to make it and it’s very easy bla bla bla. So yeah la. We can’t find the coconut flavoured so he bought the honeydew one. And I like honeydew too!

And guess where my bro asked me to go on my bday?

Bukit Gemok = Hill-climbing.

-.-”

omfg!!!!!!!!!

I just ran up from downstairs after putting the card on my dad’s table…

I was silently shouting ‘AHHHHHHHHHHHHH’ when I was running up…

because I forgot my dad was watching football at this hour…

and I had to pretend I was looking for the newspaper…

and so happened he got up and went to the toilet…

then I just put the card on the table and started to RUNNNNNNNNN

while ‘AHHHHHH’-ing on the way…

omg omg omg omg……

my heart beats so fast……

omg hahahahhahahahahhahahaha

happy papa’s day!!! love you muaks muaks!!

p/s: dad said taiwan’s father’s day is on 8th of Aug. You know, 8/8 = Ba Ba (chinese) = Dad.

so cute. hehe

Listening to Beatles - Like Dreamers Do

There’s this gal. Friend’s friend. I visited her blog and left a comment regarding her post on stupid things that we will do for love. The third day I went back to her site. She deleted the post.

My reaction was ‘WTF?’

In my opinion, it seems like she regret that she posted about her past and then she just decided to delete it for fear of what others will think if they read it. I commented that I had the same experience that I did the similar stupid thing for love like her. She deleted the post and never approved my comment.

Disclaimer: That’s my opinion only. I’m not judging her or whatsoever.

I was a bit angry at the first place because she appeared to be a coward to me. For not able to face what she wrote down herself. You know, avoiding things, worse is avoiding the past. Trying to erase it. Sealed it up. Not letting anyone trespass the boundary and expecting no one will know about it. She is afraid. Afraid of what people will think. That’s what I assumed.

On second thought, it suddenly struck me that I am no different from her.

I started blogging in blogspot for almost a year since 2004. Then I changed my site registering another username. And last December, I switched from blogspot to blogsome and blog anonymously.

The main reason was I felt restricted in writing whatever I want. Taking in consideration the people involved, my relationship with them and who reads my blog.

The other reason was I wanted to start over. Without looking back. Like that girl (as I assumed), I really wish that the past that I don’t ever want to bring up again will vanish forever. Like how you write it as a post and erase it later on as if the memory is never exist.

The shame, failure and grief are what I attempted and still trying hard to bury and left behind with my previous blogs.

Now you tell me. Wasn’t what I was doing back then similar to what she did to her post?

Running away from the past which I see it as a mark in my memory. An ugly mark. A dirt. I feel like it’s not perfect anymore. It’s contaminated. And I hate feeling this way.

I HATE IT

I always question this.

Why can’t things be better so I will be happier when I look back at the moments?

This happens more on my previous relationships. Like why the fuck he cheated on me. why he fucking treated me that way. why he never cared about me.

As if all I could remembered were the sad parts. I felt deprived. I felt that I was robbed from what I deserved. Deserved to be loved. Deserved to be appreciated. Deserved to be cared.

The happiness that others people deeply drowning in. I wish I’m one of them.

I wrote about them. Like how mad I was. How frustrated I was for all the things that didn’t go the way I intended to. I wrote about them. But vaguely because of those who might read them. Those who know me in person. And when I thought about this, the only thing came into my mind was:

What would they think of me? How would they see me now? Can they accept what kind of person I am? Would they judge me without looking inside? Would they understand why?

That’s why I decided to leave my blogs behind and started a new one. Like her, trying to erase the unwanted memories. A fresh start. Blogging anonymously. Rarely anyone knows who I am and I can rediscover myself. Without restriction. I can write about my flaws and the rather unwanted memories without fearing those who know me will judge me subjectively and not able to accept the imperfections in me. At the same time, I can pen down what I’ve learned and the good things about myself so that when I look back, I can see the changes and growth that I have become a better person. The more important, I am ready and able to accept the past and move on bravely. Hopingly brave enough to love once again.

As I realized I can almost understand the reason she took down her post, I am able to relook at myself and why I said I understand. Although I still feel upset that she was running away like I was, I know that all she needs is TIME to heal, accept, be stronger and move on. Like me.

I’m still taking my time. And I wish her best too. Hope we will no longer cowards towards our past in near future.

Terrible.

I really CANNOT. DO. CROSSWORD.

I only manage to answer one. Can’t even complete the puzzle. Not to mention the only answer I manage to get was wrong somemore.

*pulls hair*

eg. Nonsense rhyme (2,3)

You so geng. You guess la!

Ceh.

So difficult. Who will want to play la?!

Anyhow, the answer is coming out tomorrow.

Hehehehe.

My mom came into my room and ke poh when I was arranging all the papers with the crossword on my table. She sat on my bed and looked through the clues.

me: very difficult one la.
mom: *mumbles mumbles* … animated character… wth is that?!
me: I also dont know how to do.
mom: *mumbles mumbles* … next is… dangerous weapon… United Nations…
me: aiya… very hard one la…
mom: (suddenly a light bulb appears and ding!) it’s NUCLEAR.
me: 7 letters la ma.
mom: NUCLEAR is 7 letters la!
me: *gasp*
me: (grabs the paper) nuclear??! 1…2…3…4…5…6…7… YEAHHHH!!!!
mom: *grins*

After she left for bed, sister came in and we played Vocable before she went to sleep.

I put R.O.C.K and got 60 points.

Then she added a S and got 63 points.

me: *kicks pillows*

sis: *evil laughs*

How can rite? She’s like… it’s like… enjoying the fruit of my hard work!

ARghhhhh@#$%^&*(*&^%$%^&*&^%!!!!!!!!

And then I got an idea and put a C in front, made it C.R.O.C.K.S and got 63 points!!!!!!!!!

*gerrroooom gerrrrooooom* lightning and thunder storms.. and sister fainted…

WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Currently listening to The Killer Hot Fuss Album.
Believe me, Natalie
Listen Natalie
This is your last chance to find
A go-go dance to disco now
Please believe me, Natalie
Listen Natalie
This is your last chance to find
A go-go dance to disco now

I’m unofficially the maid of the house.

Without pay cheques.

*wipe tears*

What to do?

I hate messy house. I hate unorganised stuff here and there.

So beh tahan. Then I clean lo.

I don’t like to pile up the chores and want to finish everyday’s work. If I leave it till weekend, then I can just die of overworking.

mom: aiya, no need to iron the clothes everyday one le. 2 days once la or until weekend la.

-.-”

If that so, by the time, the amount of one week worth of clothes piled up in the dressing room waiting for me to iron…

so I don’t like the idea.

What to do?

I got nothing to do besides reading and watching tv and sleeping. According to the rest, me and my bro are the ones on holiday, so yeah la.

Lucky bro in charge of cooking. Hehe.

I like and hate cooking at the same time. Key factor is MOOD.

Happy mah like la. Not happy mah hate cooking lo.

I don’t know why but I like to do cleaning more. It makes me feel good that things are so tidy and clean.

Seriously the messiest place in my house is the dressing room. Tsk tsk tsk! Every morning when I wake up, I will see:
1. Nightclothes that my parents and my sis wore last night all over the floor.
2. Drawers keeping their socks all open.
3. Wardrobes all open.
4. Hangers for their clothes and uniforms on the floor.

Damn taking advantage I tell you. Especially my sister. After me and my bro left to Kl, never maintain the house.

I still remember the first night when I came back.

Why the dustbin no plastic bag one?? Why the room so messy one?? Where are my things?? Why no pillows for me one?? Why the study table so dirty one?? Why you never clean the dining table one?? Why the dressing room so messy one?? Why daddy’s pants are not ironed yet?? Why you never fold the clothes?? Why mummy’s wardrobe so unorganised one??

It was a disaster.

sis: since you been gone, the house becomes like this.
me: wth?! you don’t know how to maintain one meh?? don’t know how to tidy up the place one meh??

blood pressure increases rapidly man.

somemore I’m back, she lagi no need to care.

freaking lazy one la my sister.

*shakes head*

I have to threaten her to get her do the chores. By the way, her chores actually is only putting the laundries into the washing machine and hang all the cleaned clothes when the washing is done.

me: I give you 5 minutes and if you still sitting here online, I’m going to disconnect the line.
sis: yeaaaaaaaahhhhh.

2 mins later…
me: You only have 3 minutes left.
sis: ummmmmmmmmmm…

3 mins later…
me: Wei, times up. You still don’t go??!!
sis: Yeah yeah, for a while… very fast one…
me: Still don’t move right??
me: 5… 4… 3… 2…
sis:*runs to the washing machine*

Hehehehehehehehehe.

I saw a pair of dogs mating at the playground near my house.

It’s so disgustingly gross.

and now I don’t know which category I should put this post in.

-.-”

really very yucky lo. Urk.

lucky it was just a glimpse.

I went ‘Ewww Ewwww Blekkkk Bleekkkkkkk Puiiii Puiiiii Sooooo Grooooossssssss’ and my bro who was driving looked at me like I was a freak.

Very geliiii la….

Just put this under General la.

Now I know…
Those times when I miss my family when I was in KL
It wasn’t homesick
I was just reminded of them
Remembered the old times

That’s why I didnt feel like coming back sometimes
It’s just enough to remember and miss them
Keep their vivid images safe in my mind
And nobody can disturb or distract

It wasn’t homesick
Cause I never really miss this place
I just miss them
Miss the protection underneath their arms

By remembering them
Is more than enough for me