Documentary of Charleybean

Someone pls save me

I feel so betrayed.

Woke up early today for the MPH WAREHOUSE SALE! Many books yet not thaaaat many coz you can find the same book in another shelf and then in another shelf again. Maybe because it’s the first day and I saw the workers still unpacking books from damn a lot a lot a lot a lot of boxes. The excitement!

Got myself 4 books in 30 minutes coz my friend had to rush to work.
1. ‘Harmony Silk Factory’ by Tash Aw for only rm16 –> freaking awesome price!
2. Mitch Albom’s new book ‘For one more day’ for rm48 hard cover edition. Well the whole world are having the hard cover editions currently so no point waiting for paperback since now they discounted rm20!
3. Jodi Picoult’s ‘Keeping Faith’ for rm 25
4. Paulo Coelho - The Pilgrimage for rm23.

Friend bought 3 books including Picoult’s ‘The Sister’s Keeper’ and we decided to swap our books! Weeee!!! The joy of spreading love around… or rather to each other!!!

Actually the happiest thing is the feeling of having someone who share the same interest. I went to booksale before with other friends but you can tell that they just went there for fun but they are not really into books. So I couldn’t really share thoughts with them. At least today’s book shopping is rather different. We have a certain level of understandings on the authors we like and that made the excitement more exciting!

I think they going to bring in more titles but too bad I couldn’t find time to go anymore as I’ll be heading down south to get my kancil on thurs and only be back on sunday. While tomorrow i.e wednesday, I have classes whole day.

Went to pudu to buy bus ticket to johor. I will not step into that area if I have a choice which eventually I don’t. The pollution inside is terrible and scary. I was holding my sling purse the whole time and people are approaching you offering you different destinations, even free celcom sim cards.

I’m on my own in this getting-my-car trip. I decided that I don’t need bro to accompany me as he had not been giving any positive reply. Beside, my roommate will be with me on the way back to kl on sunday.

To sum up today, it’s good to be at home, fresh and clean, while cooking my dinner.

(A private post quite a while ago. decided to post it. )

Its 4am.

Imogen Heap - Goodnight and Go
Why do you have to be so cute
Is it impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much
It’s bad enough we get along so well
Say goodnight and go

I just want a break, a hot milo, a warm towel on my face, a hug and a kiss on my forehead.

Everything just pass through so fast and without marks. There is an emptiness inside the box. I wish it could be filled with something else or something more. Currently, it’s just cold thin air with scent of loneliness. It resembles the smell of dry leaves. A whole garden of dry leaves.

It’s going to burst. It’s filling up with so much emotions. But the emotions are unbearable. So indistinctive. I see warmth but I feel cold. I hear cheerful tones but I see vague words.

I sigh a lot these days. It’s difficult. I am just trying hard to adapt to the harshness and getting used to it. But another part of me want to break free. For the wonders along the route.

I used to think that rain cleans stuff. Stuff you don’t like, stuff that I disgust. But now I realize that even though the rain may moistures the appearance, but not the substance. It’s still there, just appears as another deception and you will never tell the differences.

November 13, 2006

Beatles - In My Life
There are places I remember
All my life, though some have changed
Some forever not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places had their moments
With lovers and friends
I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them all

Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more

Mom called me last night and told me her car crashed, very fortunately without anyone inside. Apparently she pulled the hand break but left the car on drive mode, so the nearly 1 yr old gen-2 went straight to the coconut trees in front of my neighbour’s house.

Mom was quite upset coz it’s still cny and all which she feels it’s bad luck and uneasy about the whole thing as the accident was rather unexplainable. So I tried to make her feel better by telling her that this could have been happened to prevent bad things happen to her and all that matters is nobody gets hurt.

There’s this feeling which is weird coz when I was younger, we needed parents to be there to console us and make us feel better. And now, my mother was looking for assurance from me. It’s a mom-is-getting-old kinda sad feeling and im-grown-up-and-have-to-protect-family kinda feeling. And I feel sucky coz I wasn’t there by her side.

Since I’ve been away from home, I know my sister is not caring enough to be patient with my parents that it makes my mom misses me more. My mom cried the day I left home and she cried again the day we left grandma house heading back to KL after celebrating Cny last week. I used to feel excited to be able to get away from home coz I felt suffocated sometimes for some issues back then. But now, I just want to be home.

I miss my sister dearly. This time around, I had been trying to spend more time talking to her and do things with her. Try my best to be the guidance she needs and I totally understand how is it feels to be worried. My sister makes me worry all the times. I always discuss family stuff with my brother especially about our baby sister. She still so young yet we are not there most of the time to protect her.

Protect is the exact word as I don’t want her to go through some difficult times like I did or learn things the hard way like I did. It’s a real blessing that my sister is a down to earth and nice young girl, which makes me love her even more. She has been demanding letters from me during Cny and I feel happy. This indicates that we are getting closer. Last year, I felt like a stranger to her and then it hit me that I had not known or care about her since I left home.

There’s nothing much to say about my dad as we didn’t talk much. Most of times, we listen to him. And me being the eldest daughter, never really go against his will as I really respect him and I truly know that his intentions are good. But that doesn’t make him a stubborn one, he listens as well. I always impress with his hard work and achievements. Being able to give us more than enough, I feel damn lucky.

And now, I wish time goes back to when I was just about to meet them for reunion.

Good times are short and never enough.

family is always the best.

as everyone is already has their own position and role in this tiny circle.

and everyone fits in well.

as usual we don’t visit friends but friends visit us.

we don’t gamble.

so we watched tv and shopped most of the time.

dad bought me a 2nd hand 2yrs old kancil. coz bro took back his kenari and dad thinks I definately need a car.

i have to take a bus ride down south and drive the little kancil back to kl. It’s ok coz I’ll do anything to get a car.

Got Lazy to the vet and apparently there’s no fungal infection on his tail but rather just allergy coz his tail is way too dirty. No application of medicine, just some tablets will do the trick.

But he’s been extreme annoying but running away every night and comes back home in the morning with dirt and dust. I tried to wipe his face with wet tissue and he still looks like someone just wiped his face with charcoal.

I thought things will be different once his balls were off but apparently this is just the beginning.

I’m came back to kl on tues (20/2) and my hsemates are coming back today. No more freedom and quiet environment.

Had a dinner with my long distance bro from Semenyih and watched Ghost Rider. The movie was good yet not good enough. It can be more exciting and shocking.

Been watching Heroes lately. Hiro Nakamura! “I come in peace!” He is so adorable!

Recently, Lazy has a minor skin infection on his tail. So there are some red spots here and there. His tail’s fur also fallen off. The new groomer that we went to was very nice to apply this japanese branded gel, which she reckoned to be very effective, on Lazy for free. That one small bottle costs RM67.00. With that amount I can buy 6 packs of tuna flavoured Whiskas for the fat cat. But I really like their services, very caring and concerned. So I’m planning to send Lazy to them for boarding as I will not be available during CNY. One of my friends suggested to send Lazy over to a vet nearby, which to be honest, I don’t really feel comfortable with. It’s just different. Somemore with the skin infection, I will be less worry if Lazy is under the groomer’s care.

Anyway, the infection is due to unhygienic environment. So right after we got home from the groomer, I straight away cleaned up Lazy’s small garden/space, brushed the floor and fed him well. He’s one lucky pet, isn’t it?

To avoid possible disturbance and annoyance that might occur at home, I offered to drop my roommate at her college early morning, had breakfast and headed to Starbucks to kill my time by studying.

5 1/2 hours to go before fetching roommate from college.

Incredibly, almost fall asleep in Starbucks while listening to my chemical romance. Apparently, all the shouting never really help to keep me awake.

So 2 hours later, I decided to go shopping.

And time really flies. So many clothes yet so little time!

Bought a Rougeberry perfume (never know what’s a rougeberry thou, just know that it smells really nice!), love it! And got myself two pants.

Happy!

Thursday gonna drag my roommate to shop with me!

I want bags!

Finally I teared.

after repeating the same thing so many times while holding back my tears.

Finally, when I’m back in my room.

Where everyone has slept.

My tears found the exit.

I don’t need a hug or kiss.

I just want somebody or anyone to understand.

Since the person that I hoped he would, will never understand.