Documentary of Charleybean

been thinking about him here and there. not what we did. just him. it makes me emo sometimes, especially late in the middle of the night as ive been staying up late these days to study. how do u define getting over it? not thinking about someone or ready for a new one? or even both? im taking my own sweet time, but i think its gonna be a long one.

hsemates are going for a 3 days makan-makan trip down south in april. dropping by at everyone’s hometown. which is one month before my first paper. so i painfully rejected the invitation. all the fun n food im gonna miss. sniff. not to mention im gonna be alone at home.

have i mention that my hsemates brought back a kitten around 3 weeks ago? now she’s gone coz hsemate’s fren adopted her. Evonne, her name. she is such an attention seeker, maybe coz she’s just few months old. lazy was annoyed coz she ate his food, and slept in his small house and always wanted to sleep with him when he was sleeping. lol. so manja. she wanted to play with lazy. but lazy being lazy, doesn’t like interruption when he’s taking his nap. so there’s once, i saw him trying to bite her. u know, like madagscar, the lion too hungry n almost bit the donkey, but stop right there? yea, something like that. not to mention that lazy is like 10 times bigger in size than her. lazy can just crush her anytime and anywhere.

lazy is constantly going out everyday, then comes back before dinner. this current situation kinda makes me miss him more. coz when i want to play with him, ill have to wait for him to come back. i mean, what on earth the world has turn to?! owner waits for pet to be home. tsk tsk.

college has been more interesting coz of the scandals randomly created, lol, nah… coz we know more friends lately. nice friends. but the stress level has drastically increased and out of the chart. trying hard to cope and keep to my schedule, which i am way behind right now. *breathe*

not to say that im unsociable, just that for me there is a time to socialize and a time to be solitary, and according to my horoscope, this is part of the apparent contradiction in a cancerian nature. i find my personalities very contradicting among themselves. some ppl who don’t know me that well, tend to think that im a serious type of person who can’t take jokes and have fun. but actually i can be serious and have fun also.

and last thing, my hsemate put salt in my water bottle the other day. T.T

self pity is annoying.

few attempts of trying to drag others to feel miserable as well is frustrating.

maybe one day when I look back at this post, I will not even remember who was I talking about.

I didn’t know

Looking at your pictures

Evidences of the past

Makes me feel so weak

So vulnerable

I thought I was strong

I thought I was strong enough

But I couldn’t even hold myself

So fragile in the inside

Do not touch me

As I will break into pieces

And I could never stand up again

Currently, I’m very nervous and lost in choosing the topics that I want to do in exams.

Different lecturers with different opinions seriously can kill.

It doesn’t help at all when all the informations that I read last night vanished as if they never exist in my head.

And the fatal wound is the stupid Pan’s labyrinth that I downloaded doesn’t have SUBTITLE!!!!!!!!!

OMG THE STRESSNESSSSSS……

damn hungry now. gotta makan. even though its 3am.

Oh I watched 300. IT’s Fking Awesome! Artisticly Beautiful!

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

I’m through with doubt
There’s nothing left for me to figure out
I’ve paid a price
And I’ll keep paying

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I know you said
Can’t you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don’t mind sayin’
It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they’d write me a letter
Sayin’ that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

Sometimes when you are asleep, and I look at you, I feel peace and contented.

The most important is, it’s ok if I have lost everything, it’s ok that he doesn’t love me anymore, it’s ok that ppl dislikes me, it’s ok that friends are no longer faithful and it’s ok that luck has abandoned me.

Because as long as I have you, things are not that bad actually. At least, you are one of the good things in my life.

I am not alone.

Brought Lazy to vet yesterday. One shot settled all his wounds. But mainly is his limping and his tail’s skin problem. The whole thing costed me Rm101.00 included a cone which is Rm16 to prevent him from licking his wound on his leg.

Rm101. Just a cat. Rm101. He is just a cat. Rm101. 3 types of tablets and cream. Rm101. It costed me freaking Rm101.

After the vet, I brought him for grooming coz wanted to make sure he is clean before starting his medication. So that’s another Rm60.

And I got his tail shaved in the vet. Coz of the skin problem and it’s difficult to clean his tail as the dirt will stick to his fur. I asked them to leave some at the end of the tail so it looks like a lion’s tail. Hehe.

So now he is temporary staying inside the house and with the cone around his neck, he basically can’t go out. The cone blocks his way to anywhere which I am definately very please with. I don’t have to worry about him and let him wanders in the house freely. But then, maybe because of the side effect of the tablets, he basically sleeps 23hours and 40 minutes. The 20 minutes - he eats, shits, pees, changes position to sleep, trying to get off his cone, sleeps, sleeps, sleeps and sleeps. Which is another thing that I’m very pleasant with as he is not noisy anymore and I can do my stuff in peace.

Now I feel so much better coz Lazy is inside the house under my control and I dont have to guard him all the times as he can’t go through the gate with the cone preventing him from doing so. I feel good for him as now he can sleep anywhere in the living room, which is cleaner than his place at the inner garden.

Maybe I will never take down the cone. Since it does so much good to both of us. Hehe.

My housemates and I went to have a drink in Sanctuary. It was tuesday so there wasn’t many people. Just small groups of people here and there. We drank some beer and played pool coz the music wasn’t good enough to dance with.

Later on, we decided to go downstair, Laundry. There wasn’t any loud music playing when we were trying to check it out from outside Sanctuary. So we went back to Sanctuary again but this time we moved to a table nearer to the dj. Apparently, there is no such a thing called dancefloor there. But because I was so desperate to dance, so we just danced around our table and my hand kept slapping on bypassers’ shoulders/chests/faces. lol.

But it was fun. I couldn’t say the music were good but we still danced anyway. The two guys were not as crazy as we did. We all went home sober and tired.

It’s been such a long time. =)

相信一个人需要勇气

而我逐渐没有了这份勇气

I let out a heavy sigh when I reached the front gate. These past few days constituted a good therapy and I managed to pick up myself after getting away from everything for a while.

Everything comes back to me as I got nearer and nearer. Piece by piece, until it becomes too much for me to bear.

But I made a promise to myself. That I will take good care of myself and love myself more. Get my priorities right and back on track.

Back on track. That’s what I’m going to do now.

However, don’t ask me whether I’m ok yet.

I’m still catching my breath. But dont worry. So far so good.