Documentary of Charleybean

So my dearest friend managed to make me said “okla i will go to class tmr.”

2-9pm. *faints*

suddenly i feel so warmth and loved because all of them are so sweet and nice enough to photocopy notes for me when I was too lazy(and still) to go to classes.

“So come tmr to hug us all!”

LOL

to be honest, i was too depressed to go to college these past few days. that’s why me being me, hid at home, didn’t want to see anyone and emo with myself.

not to say that im not feeling depress or stressful about exam anymore, but i feel slightly better now. More like… motivated. well, no matter how devastated i am, i will never give up before exam. coz i think its the stupidest thing to do in the world. besides, if others can do it, why not me?

ahhh… after talking to fj makes me feel alive again! i love my girls to bits!

4th march.

Met up with my roommate for shopping. We stopped by at Bakerzin for the chocolate mousse. It was delicious. But what best was the conversation we had.

We talked about things in life. Our families, friends, other housemates and ourselves. Talking to her is very comfortable and safe. Because she knows me very well and she accepts me for being me. She will know how I feel or what I think by a mere glance. She will be there when I need a company and at the same time she understands when I need a time to be solitary.

I know I’m not a good friend. I don’t know how to be there as a friend. I don’t know how to care. To me, if you really need something, I expect you to tell me and I will try to work out something for you. So that’s the problem. I don’t know how to be iniative. I am selfish. I don’t know how to treat a friend well.

Sometimes I just think that I don’t treat my friends good enough. Like I tend to neglect some while attending to the others.

one day in march.
a friend said you tend to get sleepy after eating oily food.

12th march.
bought a mng red aviator online. omg. im crazy.

13th march.
Went out for a lunch and movie with WY. I was a bit worried at the beginning coz she can be very quiet sometimes. But the outing turned out fine and with laughters. Yeap, I tend to worry too much and unnecessarily. Oh! I got a mail from my baby sister!

14th march.
Waiting anxiously for my feedback page to be done. I’m going to sell some of my stuff online in livejournal! First experience! I do have ebay account but never really bother to sell there. But I will put ebay as an alternative if I can’t sell off my stuff in livejournal.

self pity is annoying.

few attempts of trying to drag others to feel miserable as well is frustrating.

maybe one day when I look back at this post, I will not even remember who was I talking about.

Woke up early today for the MPH WAREHOUSE SALE! Many books yet not thaaaat many coz you can find the same book in another shelf and then in another shelf again. Maybe because it’s the first day and I saw the workers still unpacking books from damn a lot a lot a lot a lot of boxes. The excitement!

Got myself 4 books in 30 minutes coz my friend had to rush to work.
1. ‘Harmony Silk Factory’ by Tash Aw for only rm16 –> freaking awesome price!
2. Mitch Albom’s new book ‘For one more day’ for rm48 hard cover edition. Well the whole world are having the hard cover editions currently so no point waiting for paperback since now they discounted rm20!
3. Jodi Picoult’s ‘Keeping Faith’ for rm 25
4. Paulo Coelho - The Pilgrimage for rm23.

Friend bought 3 books including Picoult’s ‘The Sister’s Keeper’ and we decided to swap our books! Weeee!!! The joy of spreading love around… or rather to each other!!!

Actually the happiest thing is the feeling of having someone who share the same interest. I went to booksale before with other friends but you can tell that they just went there for fun but they are not really into books. So I couldn’t really share thoughts with them. At least today’s book shopping is rather different. We have a certain level of understandings on the authors we like and that made the excitement more exciting!

I think they going to bring in more titles but too bad I couldn’t find time to go anymore as I’ll be heading down south to get my kancil on thurs and only be back on sunday. While tomorrow i.e wednesday, I have classes whole day.

Went to pudu to buy bus ticket to johor. I will not step into that area if I have a choice which eventually I don’t. The pollution inside is terrible and scary. I was holding my sling purse the whole time and people are approaching you offering you different destinations, even free celcom sim cards.

I’m on my own in this getting-my-car trip. I decided that I don’t need bro to accompany me as he had not been giving any positive reply. Beside, my roommate will be with me on the way back to kl on sunday.

To sum up today, it’s good to be at home, fresh and clean, while cooking my dinner.

Christmas was normal coz my beautiful trip ended up with nothing. So even though I had vowed that I would not spend it with him but in the end I did after all. We had dinner with our friends and then we chilled out at a friend’s house watching The Host (a Korean horror movie which turned out damn funny and lame). Laughed and drank till 3am. Then, we went mamak and spent the next 2 hours chatting.

Met up with my highschool/bestfriends on new year eve. Everywhere in Ou was filled with long queues outside their restaurants. So we ended up dining in Secret Recipe. We were hungry and couldn’t be bother anymore with Chillies or TGIF or etcs. There was a countdown concert outside the shopping mall. I had never seen so many lala males and females before in my entire life until that night. The scene just disgusted me. There were quite a numbers of celebrities @ singers/performers invited which explains the crowd. So me being smart, decided to drive out from Ou at 11pm-ish and parked in front my friend’s house which is within walking distance from Ou. So me and my friends walked back to Ou but we just stayed by the roadside as we didn’t want to get involve with the crowd and just wanted to see the fireworks.

And of course we managed to get a very good view of the fireworks. I was damn happy coz I didn’t get stucked in the jam and reached home in less than 10 minutes. Brilliant!

While today, me and my roommates went to Times Square to get a glimpse of Gary Cao, a chinese local singer who grew up in overseas. It was a mini concert introducing his latest album - Superman. It was great as we were really near to the stage and he is excellent singing in live concert! He’s really playful and hyped up the atmosphere really well. It was really fun coz there were not that many people so we felt comfortable instead of the usual sandwiches situations. Besides, we were standing first row from the front of the stage. Initially, there were camera men and reporters standing in front of us blocking our views, but because each of the reporters were blocking other reporters, so every one of them were moving around looking for better spots, while we finally got back our best seats in the house.

On the other note, there’s this photographer from taiwan looks really attractive. He’s the mature/cool/handsome looking type of guy. Especially his short beard! Because the concert was delayed and while waiting, me and my roommates couldn’t help but looked at him most of the time as he was standing inches away in front of us. I think he looks a bit like Andy Lau. We even took his pics secretly! It’s been quite a long time since I last since a truly handsome guy. He made my heart beat so fast! My roommate told me that he overheard us and gave a shy smile. So cute!

To be honest, I feel a wee bit disappointed on how I ended up spending my two festive weekends. I think that’s why I wasn’t in the festive mood at all. So what if it’s christmas or new year? I wasn’t really spending this two supposedly special days with people I want and the way I want it. The worst part was I didn’t even know who I want to spend it with and how I want it to be. And definately, he wasn’t really the person I want to spend the festive seasons with. He didn’t bother to surprise me or putting effort in planning something nice. But neither did I. So I shouldn’t be complaining isn’t it? But again, where are all the enthusiasm of him when he said he wants to give me more and treat me right?

I feel really uneventful on my two weeks holidays. The only thing that makes me proud of myself and feel better about it is the assignments that I completed in this two weeks. Although it still far from the goal I set for myself at the beginning, at least I got myself to start. Not like the usual predictable scenarios where I would plan what I want to achieve during my holidays and ended up with nothing achieved. So doing work and studying actually consoles my lost soul.

*Silence*

Oh my god, what did I just said?!

Anyway, Happy New Year to me and you! May all of us set our priorities right this year!

I almost cry when I was in Dome with two of my girl friends coz I was re-telling them something which related to my previous post.

But chicken mushroom pie cured everything!

I watched Confession of pain right after our late lunch and it was…… artistic? Overall it was a nice movie and I hope Tony Leung will get best leading actor next year. Hehe.

My eyes are tired and tomorrow last paper! I really did very badly in my mocks but it’s ok… Hehe… it’s not going to contribute to my result at all. Coz my actual exam is 100% external exam based. I think only 40% of the students attended.

Got the car back from bro and it is so dirty! Hmm… I will definately go somewhere this weekend and it will definately be either me alone or me with somebody else, but will never be me with him!

Have to clean Lazy’s litter box.

I still care about her.

I even had this urge to leave a msg in her blog after she broke up with her bf.

But I still couldn’t take a step further and get over things.

At the same time, I still hate her.

I know it’s silly to say that I think our relationship was flawed because one of the many reasons was your ex. I just can’t go on because I know deep down inside how much you actually care about her.

That’s why the only solution is to find another guy and live happily ever after.

I’m not a perfectionist. But when it comes to relationships (including friendship), I just can’t bear any flaw. I can’t just go on and say to A, “Ok, I forgive you and let’s be friends again.” It doesn’t work that way for me. When things aren’t right anymore, they would never be.

But the thing is, I’m not angry anymore. I just can’t start all over again. It’s like I know it happened quite long time ago, and I don’t really mind anymore. I don’t hold any anger at her anymore. But we will never be friends again.

It’s not about the issue of forgiveness. It’s about trusting others. I trust people easily. But once they do something that really hurt me and abuse the trust, I will never accept them anymore. Same thing applied to the relationship with him and friendship with her.

What’s not there, it’s gone forever. I’m that stubborn. I know.

Heard two stories relevant to the title. It makes me wonder why such things happened at the first place. We will never know the truth. Or rather, we are not prepared to know.

Super headache, my dinner stucks in the jam and period is making life really difficult for me.

Roommate made a box of life-saviour sushi and went off to bed. I ate four while waiting for miracle happens.

Lazy merajuk at me coz there’s a fish in front of him but he can’t reach it. There’s sliding door comes in between them. But I think he’s having a great time admiring the fish. Life-saviour sushi maker will kill me if I open the sliding door.

But Lazy’s food is running out. Nevertheless, I don’t think a little fish can satisfy him.

It’s weird why they serve creme brulee with fork. Forks are evil. But the nice conversation with a nice young lady made the red gingerbread men flew high.

Oh! Dinner just called me. Lovely. Miracle.