Documentary of Charleybean

three more papers to go in less than 2 weeks time.

ahhh…. didnt really study much … whatever la …

jy never tell his sister about our break up until few days ago, his aunt told his sister, then his sister asked me about it.

so i told her la… and about him having a new gf two weeks after the break up… lol

not being bitchy or mean. just feel that if she wants to know, might as well tell the whole story la rite… besides, by telling the truth, will save the assumption that it was my fault…

yeap because it’s not my fault at all that caused the break up, so i told his sister about his new gf.

bleh… take that bastard!

lol

im not being jealous or what la to be honest. just that it amazed me when this moment u said u love me, and two weeks later, ‘oh, im in love with someone else’.

irresponsible as i always said. for getting into a new rship w/o going through ur mistakes first. and by knowing that you are not mature and not prepared yet.

its been awhile and i dont feel angry or any emotion about him anymore. just that his sister suddenly brought it up and i was surprised that he didnt tell his sister.

he seriously didnt handle this matter properly.

ah well, just that i feel weird about what i told his sister. like sour grape only. but actually im not. hmmm… dont care la… haha… not my concern anymore.

supposed to bathe lazy twice a week. but because im really busy. i only managed to bathe him once a week. which is like not good? and i supposed to bring him to the vet 15 days after the last visit, but again, i didnt. financial n physical problems.

slowly getting addicted to online shopping. thanks to ahem fj ahem… coz im a very lazy person… so being able to view the stuff online w/o feeling guilty of going out to shopping mall and takes FEW hours break from study, is comforting. lol

im going to tioman after exams with my roommate! weeeeeee!! and this year bday, i hope i able to make my dad buy me a new handphone!!! woot!!!! omg, i hope he seriously dont take the kancil as my bday present already…. omg… otherwise really super zha dou lo…. then i have to save up money to buy one, if i really want a new hp so badly…

ahh ok till then. heroes heroes! have to wait till season 2…. criminal minds season 3 too… hmmm how long le…

syler didnt die…. ahhhh ceh…

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

I’m through with doubt
There’s nothing left for me to figure out
I’ve paid a price
And I’ll keep paying

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I know you said
Can’t you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it

I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don’t mind sayin’
It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they’d write me a letter
Sayin’ that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

相信一个人需要勇气

而我逐渐没有了这份勇气

(A private post quite a while ago. decided to post it. )

Its 4am.

Imogen Heap - Goodnight and Go
Why do you have to be so cute
Is it impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much
It’s bad enough we get along so well
Say goodnight and go

I just want a break, a hot milo, a warm towel on my face, a hug and a kiss on my forehead.

Everything just pass through so fast and without marks. There is an emptiness inside the box. I wish it could be filled with something else or something more. Currently, it’s just cold thin air with scent of loneliness. It resembles the smell of dry leaves. A whole garden of dry leaves.

It’s going to burst. It’s filling up with so much emotions. But the emotions are unbearable. So indistinctive. I see warmth but I feel cold. I hear cheerful tones but I see vague words.

I sigh a lot these days. It’s difficult. I am just trying hard to adapt to the harshness and getting used to it. But another part of me want to break free. For the wonders along the route.

I used to think that rain cleans stuff. Stuff you don’t like, stuff that I disgust. But now I realize that even though the rain may moistures the appearance, but not the substance. It’s still there, just appears as another deception and you will never tell the differences.

November 13, 2006

This post is dedicated to you. And I think it will be very troublesome for you to view every post if I reply to every comment of yours in every post of mine, so yeah.

You never fail to comment on my posts even though I rarely reply your comments. Ok, its not that I don’t want to, it’s just that I am lazy to hit the comment button la. Hehe.

But honestly, your comments always make my day. Thanks!

Now I reply you with all my hugs and kisses!!! XOXOXOXOXOXOXO!!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Have fun in Kuching! *wink*

p/s: I know I very rarely comment on your posts but you actually don’t mind rite since you have regular commenters in your blog… hehe… and I do read your blog! Haha…

More XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO!!!!

Happy holidays!

I know it’s silly to say that I think our relationship was flawed because one of the many reasons was your ex. I just can’t go on because I know deep down inside how much you actually care about her.

That’s why the only solution is to find another guy and live happily ever after.

I’m not a perfectionist. But when it comes to relationships (including friendship), I just can’t bear any flaw. I can’t just go on and say to A, “Ok, I forgive you and let’s be friends again.” It doesn’t work that way for me. When things aren’t right anymore, they would never be.

But the thing is, I’m not angry anymore. I just can’t start all over again. It’s like I know it happened quite long time ago, and I don’t really mind anymore. I don’t hold any anger at her anymore. But we will never be friends again.

It’s not about the issue of forgiveness. It’s about trusting others. I trust people easily. But once they do something that really hurt me and abuse the trust, I will never accept them anymore. Same thing applied to the relationship with him and friendship with her.

What’s not there, it’s gone forever. I’m that stubborn. I know.

I hate the sounds of frustration.

They come with a lot of doors slamming and stuff banging.

Why can’t people just say it out loud that they don’t like something or somebody?

If reality doesn’t allow you to, then get a blog and abuse it!

I hate it when people just have to scare me like that.

Cns, Calvin Chin and me went to visit our primary school teacher/tutor this morning (15/8/06). We bought some fruits and a basket of roses for her. She is sick. But you can tell that she is much better now, physically and mentally. She is more optimistic compared to the times when my mom first told me the bad news. We were so excited to see her again and she is still the same old teacher that we used to know. Years may passed but our relationship never change.

We talked for few hours about everything. It was so funny to hear stories about her two kids. We talked about the old times when we used to have tuitions at her house and how everything has changed now. We talked about our brothers and sisters because when one of the siblings in a family take tuition from her, the rest will eventually come as well. That’s why all these years she has so many students and she knows everyone of them very well. She knows all our parents and the differences between me and my siblings and other ppl’s as well. She is more than a teacher to us. She is so fun as a friend.

I remembered we used to open up her fridge to check for any snacks or desserts right after we reached her house. And then we would make a note in mind to ask her to treat us later. She was so nice and would organise parties for us when we asked her to. Then, she would make lots of delicious desserts because she knows we love them.

She doesn’t look like a sick person at all. I’m really glad to see this promising condition. She leads her life like how she does before she fall sick. Just that she’s taking one year off from teaching so she said she felt a bit empty at the first place. But after she started to organise her time and make herself occupied, she said everything is ok.

She told us that she couldn’t accept it at the first place. But few months later, she realized that everything has two sides and she learned to look at the bright side. That’s how she pulled herself together, accepted and face her illness with courage and hope.

I always look up to her and every word of her advices serves as guidelines to me. I’m really happy that I finally met her today after all these years.

Take care and hope everything will turn out well to you, my best teacher/tutor!

To tell your secret in your blog?

Thinking that your friends might read about it.

Afraid that they may be disappointed of who you really are.

I stop sharing my blog with my friends when I came to a conclusion that I’m not ready yet.

Not ready to let them know about those little secrets I have, those unexplainable grudge that I still hold onto, those irresponsible remarks that I make, those good and evil pieces of me that uncovered here.

I see so many flaws.

I want to protect this place. Still.

I’m afraid of what others might discover.

Some of the rather less educated malays here think they are the boss all the time.

They cross the road like it’s their father’s road. Slower than snails. Bitchier than bitches. Blind as a… err… something blind-er than a blind because even a real blind person know how to cross the road correctly.

The other day when I was driving coming to a T-junction which I was to go straight, I saw this 9-10 years old malay girl talking to her 5-6 years old little brother from a distance away after the T-junction. She asked him to cross the road to the other side, while she remained not moving. There was no car at that moment and mine was the only one. I knew something was wrong as the girl was as if waiting for something but not crossing the road to the other side to her brother. There was not a single car at that time, why was she not crossing the road?! Mine was a far distance away and I even haven’t reach the T-junction yet.

(i dont know why shutterfly cut out the lower part of my masterpieces. that’s my car if u ask)

So one girl at the left side, her bro at the right side, while my car was coming to their direction. I accelerated my car because somehow I got a sense that the girl will only cross the road when my car is reaching her.

And guess what? She did.

Imagine this, my car coming, then that girl was busy doing her maths or her so-called estimation, she crossed the road knowing that it’s enough to piss me off and at the same time she will be safe from my car banging her. By the time I reached her, she just in time reached the centre of the road and avoided my car.

So damn bloody accurate!!

What made me even angrier was that smirk on her face!!!!!!

*hits tables* *throws stuffs* *kicks chairs*

ARGHHHHH!!!!

Such a young age yet such a ffffffffffff attitude!!!

Come to think of that, I really look down at her behaviour of putting her bro into this little mean game of hers. She asked her bro to stand the other side to watch her ’show’. Teaching her little bro this? To me, she is pointing a dead end road to her bro.

My dad once told me this, ‘It’s their culture. That’s why they never improve.’

Last time, similar situation where these bunch of malay kids ran across the road even though there were cars and BAM!! Accident happened and 3 kids were dead.

They never learn, you see.